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Friday, May 6, 2011

Happy Mother's Day

I've been thinking about doing a little something in honor of motherhood, so here goes...

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.  She never existed before.  The woman existed, but the mother, never.  A mother is something absolutely new.  ~Rajneesh

This quote is completely fitting for my thoughts on the subject.   Pre-Emma was one me (that I barely even remember now) and post-Tommy I'm something that many days, you would agree, resembles an alien-like creature.  But, it also goes without saying, that I wouldn't trade it for anything in this world.


When you are expecting you get the first sense of how this new being is going to change you and how much you love he/she already....then comes the day they are born and there is truly nothing like those first few hours.  Of course as the seconds melt into minutes, hours, days and soon years, the newness dissipates, but the love is still there strong and sure.  Moments may pass when your role as a mother is just another part of you that you don't think of a whole lot, but then a memory is made that tells you just how precious and true and real your child and love is.


I remember one of the first things I thought about after Emma was born was....wow....you mean my Mom loves me this much too?  How come I never realized how awesome that feeling was to her?  Or more aptly...how come I didn't appreciate it.  I thought I did a pretty good job of recognizing that despite our differences of opinion my mom was doing a pretty good job of raising me.  She loves me like this?  No wonder she didn't want me leaving house and country for the wilds of Northern Ontario.  I couldn't even imagine Emma being out of my sight for five minutes.  Looking back, I see the whole key.  I didn't understand my mother's love, because I hadn't been born yet as a mother.


When you are expecting their is also the whole...I know I'm going to love this child, but am I going to....you know....really love them?  Or will I just do it because they are mine?  As a mother though, can you even differentiate between those 2 kinds of love (the kind where you love them because they are amazing and incredible individuals and the type that you can't help but loving them because they are your babies)?  The love is immense and overpowering and unstoppable, but it is also still there when they are being sassy or sick or driving you crazy.  That time (some days it looks like this "FINALLY") comes when they managed to quit wiggling just enough for those long eyelashes to rest on their cheek, and you realize again how precious that little (but getting bigger every day, as Emma reminds me) bundle of joy is.


Thank you to my mother for all the mothering you gave to me and a few other lost souls along our pathway.  Thank you to my daughter for first teaching me the love of a mother.  Thank you to my son for showing me just how much room I do have in my heart.  Thank you to a mother-in-law who raised a wonderful son, but then handed him off to me.  Thank you to great aunts who love my kids like their own (especially since they don't have any of their own and if you are reading this I would really like to learn the love of an aunt for myself...please and thank you)!  And thank you to all the mother's I know who are proving an example for me as I follow you in this journey of life and mothering.


To Mother's Everywhere--Happy Mother's Day!

Monday, May 2, 2011

Life

  Life it seems, is never uncomplicated AND we are always getting into new messes.  I keep worrying about tomorrow...the next assignment for my course to teach intermediates....if I'm going to get enough hours for EI this summer....when my LTO will end.  Then you get the answers and start worrying about something else.  Meanwhile time is passing.
  How can it be spring.  The winter went by so fast and now I have an 11month old?!  (Which doesn't seem that old, until I realize it's only a month from being ONE YEAR!)  Oh baby, baby boy what happened?  Which is about enough to make me realize that the next minute I turn around he'll be almost three, just like big sis!
  Speaking of sisters, my little one had a birthday a few days ago.  Is is possible that she's 23?  Seriously?  I swear it was just five minutes ago we were playing with Kirsten and Samanatha our American Girl Dolls.  And now we are like 12 hours apart with jobs responsibilities and worries...oh yes, I did say at one point that I was going to quit worrying.
  We are in the midst of planning for a big birthday bash here at the Ryan's.  We are going to celebrate the kiddos birthday's together, since they are only a few weeks apart.  It's so true you do EVERYTHING for the first and the second is neglected.  Well, I've been trying to not do the whole neglected thing (just ask my sister, you then turn out as the "perfect" one), but it is a little less fanfare the second time around.  All the grandparents were about 5 seconds away when Emma was born, but Tommy didn't get his first visit until a day later for 1/2 the set and the other set waited a week.  Yes, that was partly a matter of circumstance, but I'm sure it will be fodder for the guilt game all children play when they hit teenagehood.
  Anyway back to the party.  We had a 1st party for Emma with all the trimmings, so of course I can't neglect Tommy.  We will celebrate on his actual birthday, but the only one who will really appreciate a party is Emma so we are going to roll them into one.  (I'm sure in future years their birthday's only being 2 weeks apart will also appear as ammunition in that "war," but I've got plenty of time to worry that one over.)  Or do I?  It is only 10 years away.  (ummm, Yikes...)  Ten years ago I was failing my first driver's test AND I still remember those tears like they are still falling.  Especially considering, Emma took her John Deere Gator out for a test drive tonight and completely failed the whole steering/using the foot pedal thing at the same time.  Funny to the adults in the picture, but very unnerving for the driver.  Good thing poor Tommy wasn't in with her, although from the squeals emitting from his mouth, he sure wanted to be!
  Isn't it after all those complications, like learning to parallel park, in my case, or in Emma's figuring out the whole steering and gas mechanisms that make life interesting?